Adoption
e-mail
If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, one of your available options is adoption. Adoption, by definition, is the process of signing over your legal rights to a child you have born to another parent or set of parents. As an expectant parent considering adoption, once the child was born you would need to sign over your legal rights.
To many who are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, the concept of adoption is not something with which they are familiar. Movies, television shows, books and the media all portray the subject in a rather sensationalized manner. The good, run-of-the-mill stories are ignored while the scary ones are featured on our newscasts. How then are you supposed to know what adoption is really like as you begin making decisions for you and your child? Furthermore, how do you know if adoption is the right path for you and your child?
Birth parents have placed their children for adoption for any number of reasons over the years. It is hard to pinpoint any one reason to relinquish your child. While one expectant parent might not find an issue with a certain circumstance, another might find that same issue to be the main reason for their decision to place. While it is a very personal decision, there are some issues that we see time and time again when expectant parents are considering adoption for their child.
1. Financial issues are always a big reason. Some parents feel that without a stable income, they cannot provide their child with the type of life they feel that their child deserves. As some expectant parents experiencing an unplanned pregnancy might not know about or want to utilize available resources like welfare or Medicaid, it can seem daunting to suddenly have another person who depends on you not just financially but emotionally.
2. Finding a two parent household is also another big issue for some parents. In a perfect world, every parent who conceived a child would want to be present and emotionally invested in that child's life. Unfortunately that is not the case. Some expectant mothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy find themselves without a present, invested partner rather early on in that pregnancy. Due to personal, moral beliefs or even past experience, some feel that having a two parent home is an absolute must for any child that they are bringing into the world.
3. Some expectant parents feel that their age and inexperience in life would give their child an unfair disadvantage. While the average age of a relinquishing mother is in her early 20's, some are younger. (And some are older.) The recognition of the need for things like a high school diploma or a college degree to properly provide for a child are reasons that younger parents might consider placement.
4. A complete lack of support from family members is yet another reason some parents consider placement. While some mothers and fathers are able to continue on with their education after an unplanned pregnancy and subsequent parenting decision, it is usually due to the help of immediate family members. If your own parents have all but thrown you out of the house (or, in some cases, done just that), it may seem very daunting to make an attempt at parenting with no safety net.
There are other reasons, of course, but these are some of the most prevalent ones. Other reasons include things like rape and incest, a disinterest in children, homelessness, wanting to remove the child from an abusive situation or even simply wanting more for your child than you know you can provide now or ever. There are still other reasons that are all deeply personal. No one can or should tell you that your reason for placing are wrong. It would be in your best interest and the best interest of your child to speak with a counselor, other birth parents and adoptees to get a feeling if your fears can be addressed so that you can parent but, in the end, your decision is your own. You are the one who will ahve to live with it and, in the end, answer the questions of your child when the time comes. If you are already doubting that your reasons make sense prior to even giving birth, perhaps you need to reevaluate your decision.
In the end, the decision to place a child for adoption is rarely based on one reason alone. Many reasons often come together to form the final decision. It is not a decision that should be made lightly. You could even say that it is not a decision that should be made alone. You should be discussing something of this permanent nature with your child's other biological parent. Seeking out a counselor, as mentioned, can also give you valuable insight as to the true depth of what your decision entails. Seeking out other birth parents who are currently living with their decision and the reasons behind it might give you some ideas as to what can be done about your situation or which form of adoption (open, semi-open or closed) would best suit your circumstances. Finally, talking with adoptees might really help you best understand the true extent of what your decision means for the child growing in your womb. This decision does not just affect you but also affects your child's other parent, your parents and other relatives, the adoptive parents you might choose for your child, their family members and, ultimately and most importantly, your child.
